4. A Starry Night
So
many nights pass us by, without us even noticing a little flinch in the night
sky. I always enjoyed the night. Makes you think that the darkness will somehow
fade away; for me, darkness was the brief reality that we all experienced at
night and the light, every morning, was just like a flash that temporarily made
our sight too flashy to notice that we are in a universe full of darkness with
spatters of light around - but just spatters. I don’t mean to be delusional or
saddening; rather I just mean to be truthful. I don’t consider darkness as
evil or light as almighty; I have no devotion to religions but I do have
devotion towards the understanding of good and evil. For me darkness is the
ultimate reality, a silent era, where you are numb and you don’t need your eyes
to feel or understand or convey. Its like, not standing in front of a crowd and
speaking your heart out. You can feel secure and calm, but with a certain
emptiness in your heart - a necessary space for your thoughts.
A
sky full of stars is a sight. Every night, I used to step outside and look at
the stars and hoped that someone else would too. I still look up in the sky, on a starry night and find you there - smiling back at me. The way the stars shone with
the bright moonlight, the silence amongst the clouds, the whispering night
breeze that you feel when you close your eyes - is what every moment spent with
you felt like. It was like standing at a beach at night, moon shining and waves
just touching your toes. Cold; but not too cold;
feeling every inch of the moment. So nostalgic. So beautiful. I never would
have said this to her. I wish I had. All these hefty emotions curling around a
numb brain; wish I had been more of this before. Few of my friends consider
what I pen down as a bit too heavy to comprehend and a bit too much to
understand. When all your emotions work up together and slip out of control is
the moment you describe simply as a panic or anxiety. When you feel enough of
it, you feel nothing in the end.
I
don’t believe in relationships; It is safe to say that I have a rather abnormal
understanding of relationships that is more powerful than others. I don’t
believe in giving relationships a name; I'd rather consider you to be my
family. That’s how I comprehend relationships where the bond is unbreakable.
Friends drift away, couples break up, but family stays. No matter the distance,
no matter the time, no matter who you are from within, they love you forever
and always. Unfortunately, I have to live with a family member who doesn’t
consider me as one of hers. Still, I am happy, secure and calm, but with a
certain emptiness in the heart - a necessary space for my thoughts, and memory
of how I miss you on a starry night.
The
more I think of the lessons learnt,
The
more I realize;
We
still are a million blindfolds away,
To
unfolding life…
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